How to Rise Above What is Keeping You From Your Potential

One of the email newsletters that I receive that I like the most is James Clear’s 3-2-1 Thursday email, where he provides insightful ideas, quotes, and questions.

This last Thursday, he posted the following idea:

“Things that keep people from fulfilling their potential:

• Lacking the courage to try
• Trying to please everyone
• Imitating the desires of others
• Chasing status without questioning why
• Playing superhero and trying to do it all alone
• Dividing attention between too many projects”

I think he is “spot on” with these ideas. But, to me, the question becomes: If one of these things is holding us back what do we do about it?

That is what I want to cover in this article. In fact, I am going to break this down into three steps.

Step 1: Identify the fear that is at the root of what is holding us back

If we lack the courage to try, if we try to please everyone, if we imitate the desires of others, ultimately, it is because our body possesses a fear. And, if we never get clarity on that fear, that fear will continue to sabotage us.

Here are some of the fears that are likely associated with James Clear’s bullet points:

• Lacking the courage to try – Fear of failing or getting it wrong
• Trying to please everyone – Fear of letting others down
• Imitating the desires of others – Fear of not fitting in
• Chasing status without questioning why – Fear of not being respected or admired
• Playing superhero and trying to do it all alone – Fear of others letting us down
• Dividing attention between too many projects – Fear of saying “no”

While none of us like to admit that we have fears, liberation only comes by acknowledging and owning our fears.

Fears are not 100% bad. Fears can drive and motivate us in powerful ways. So, let’s recognize that our fears serve us in some ways. Primarily, they keep us safe, protected, and comfortable. But, our fears might also be holding us back. Let’s explore why that is.

Step 2: Identify the commitment that is associated with that fear

Our fears, which we like to keep hidden, drive us to have certain commitments. Consider the following:

• IF I have the fear of failing or getting it wrong, THEN I am committed to being successful and getting it right
• IF I have the fear of letting others down, THEN I am committed to fulfilling others’ expectations of me
• IF I have the fear of not fitting in, THEN I am committed to fitting in
• IF I have the fear of not being respected or admired, THEN I am committed to being respected and admired
• IF I have the fear of others letting us down, THEN I am committed to keeping my promises
• IF I have the fear of saying “no,” THEN I am committed to saying “yes.”

What is fascinating about exploring our fear-driven commitments is twofold:

1. There is nothing inherently wrong with any of these commitments. There is nothing wrong with wanting to be successful, fulfilling others’ expectations, or fitting in, etc.
2. But, while there isn’t anything inherently wrong with these commitments, these commitments are causing us to operate in ways that hold us back (e.g., lacking courage, pleasing everyone, imitating the desires of others, etc.).

It is critical to identify these fear-driven commitments because that leads us to the third step.

Step 3: Loosen our grip on our commitments

At the end of the day, if we want to fulfill our potential, we are going to have to loosen our grip on our commitments.

This means:

• For the person lacking the courage to try, they are going to have to begin to care less about being successful and getting it right.
  • When we care less about being successful and getting it right, we will have more courage.

(Note: I am not saying that they shouldn’t be successful or get it right. I am saying that they need to care less about those things.)

• For the person trying to please everyone, they are going to have to care less about fulfilling others’ expectations of them.
  • When we care less about fulfilling others’ expectations, we will become less of a people-pleaser.
• For the person imitating the desires of others, they are going to have to care less about fitting in.
  • When we care less about fitting in, we can more authentically be ourselves.
• For the person chasing status without questioning why, they are going to have to care less about being respected or admired.
  • When we care less about being respected or admired, we can live more with a value-creating purpose.
• For the person playing superhero and trying to do it all alone, they are going to have to care less about getting let down by others.
  • When we care less about getting let down by others, we will better be able to partner with them.
• For the person dividing attention between too many projects, they are going to have to care less about how others might respond when they say “no.”
  • When we care less about how others might respond when we say “no,” we will better be able to draw healthy boundaries, stay focused, and not spread ourselves too thin.

Now Ask Yourself:

Do you have any fear-driven commitments that you need to loosen your grip on?

The Transformational Power of this Process

Here is why understanding this has been so life-changing for me:

I used to think that when I wasn’t moving more quickly to my aspirations, it was a sign that I didn’t care enough about my aspirations. So, I would belittle myself for not being more diligent or persistent toward my aspirations.

But, here is what I have learned: When we are not making the progress we want toward our aspirations, it usually isn’t because we aren’t pushing hard enough on our aspirations. It is usually because we have locked up our own personal brakes in the form of these fear-driven commitments.

Now, rather than wanting to push harder on my aspirations, I focus on loosening my grip on my fear-driven commitments. And, I have learned that as I do this, I naturally accel forward toward my aspirations.

Would you like help rising above your fear-driven commitments? Or, would you like to help your leaders or employees awaken to their fear-driven commitments? Either way, let’s connect so we can discuss how I might be able to help.