Have you ever been in a situation where you felt like you had everything you needed to succeed—knowledge, skills, experience—but things still didn’t work out?
If so, you’re not alone. I’ve been there, more than once. And each time, it left me frustrated, confused, and questioning whether all my effort was ever going to be enough.
One of the most pivotal moments came early in my career, when I was consulting for Gallup. On paper, I had what it took. I was educated, motivated, and capable. But less than a year into the job, I was let go. Not because I lacked ability or expertise—but because my internal wiring, my mindset, my being, was holding me back. At the time, I didn’t fully understand it, but looking back, I now see that I was operating from a self-protective mindset, more concerned with looking good and getting ahead than with contributing meaningfully.
I had been focused on doing better—checking boxes, proving my worth, advancing my skills. But what I hadn’t yet realized is that sustainable success and fulfillment don’t come from simply doing more or trying harder. They come from transforming who we are.
This has been a recurring theme throughout my life.
In high school, I was determined to earn a basketball scholarship. I trained hard, studied the game, and improved my skills. But that scholarship never came. In hindsight, it wasn’t because I wasn’t talented enough—it was because I wasn’t a great teammate. I was focused on my performance, not the team’s success. Again, it wasn’t a doing problem. It was a being problem.
During my PhD program, I failed my first comprehensive exams. Not because I wasn’t smart enough, but because I was chasing recognition and accolades rather than truly mastering the material. That failure, as painful as it was, pushed me to reconsider my approach—not just to school, but to life. It nudged me, unknowingly, onto the path of being better.
These experiences all point to a powerful but underrecognized truth: personal development (truly becoming better) isn’t just about gaining new knowledge or skills (i.e., tools)—it’s about transforming the one who’s using them.
And yet, most of the world tells us otherwise.
We’re taught to accumulate degrees, certifications, achievements. We’re told that if we just do more—read the right books, follow the right routines, hustle harder—then success will follow. This “doing better” path is the dominant narrative in education, business, and even personal growth spaces.
But what if the real path to fulfillment AND success lies in upgrading not just what we do, but who we are?
Let me introduce you to someone who illustrates this perfectly: Sheryl. On paper, she was impressive—multiple degrees, certifications, and a strong work ethic. Yet year after year, she was passed over for promotions. Each time, she doubled down—another course, another credential—trying to become “more qualified.” But the issue wasn’t her qualifications. It was her lack of self-confidence and fear of taking initiative. Her development had focused entirely on doing. What she needed was to grow her being—to trust herself, take risks, and lead with courage.
When Sheryl began doing that deeper inner work, everything started to shift.
That’s what my upcoming book (Becoming Better: The Groundbreaking Science of Personal Transformation) is all about. It’s not another book filled with productivity hacks or performance tips. It’s about something deeper—transformational growth that comes from awakening to your being, and learning how to elevate it.
If you’ve ever felt like you were doing all the right things but still falling short, it’s not a sign that you’re broken. It may just be a sign that it’s time to shift from focusing on what you’re doing to who you are being.
The good news? This shift isn’t about becoming someone else. It’s about becoming the truest, most elevated version of yourself.
And while the path of being better may be less familiar, it’s also more freeing, more fulfilling, and far more transformational.
If you are interested in my book, I am doing a giveaway of 30 copies. You can enter that giveaway here: Becoming Better: The Groundbreaking Science of Personal Transformation (giveaway closes May 25th).
