Recently, I attended a workshop led by Michael Bungay Stanier titled Helping People with Hard Change Challenges. It was a rich and thought-provoking session, and one that left me with a mix of appreciation, curiosity, and a few points of challenge.
In the workshop, Michael distinguished between two types of change: Easy Change and Hard Change. As he unpacked what differentiates them, I couldn’t help but connect it to a framework I use often—Doing Side development (skills, behaviors, knowledge) and Being Side development (mindsets, identity, internal operating system).
Michael’s distinction mapped almost perfectly:
- Easy Change Challenges = Doing Side Development
- Hard Change Challenges = Being Side Development
He reinforced something I’ve come to see time and again in my own work: Doing Side solutions don’t solve Being Side problems. You can’t spreadsheet your way through a shift in identity.
A Nuanced Disagreement: Is Being Side Development Harder?
While I found Michael’s framing incredibly helpful, there’s a nuance where my perspective differs slightly. I don’t believe Being Side development is inherently harder than Doing Side development. But it is often perceived as harder—largely because most people don’t know how to engage with it. They haven’t been taught how to “upgrade” their internal operating system, and so they reach for Doing Side tools to solve Being Side problems—and predictably, they struggle.
In other words, Being Side work isn’t harder—it’s just less familiar.
That said, the workshop surfaced several powerful ideas that deepened my appreciation for what it feels like to do Being Side development—and how we as coaches, leaders, or practitioners can help others navigate it.
Here are a few key takeaways I found especially resonant:
1. From “You” to “You+” vs. “You 2.0”
We can help people go from “You” to “You+”—a version that’s a little more effective, a little more efficient. That involves Doing Side development. It’s performance improvement, often incremental.
But the leap from “You” to “You 2.0”? That’s transformation. That’s Being Side development. It’s not about adding something new; it’s about becoming someone new. And that’s not just more impactful—it’s foundational to real growth.
2. The Push-Pull of Desire and Resistance
One of the most insightful things Michael said is that Being Side development always carries an “I wanna” and an “I don’t wanna”. That duality is part of what makes the process feel sticky or confusing.
Why? Because engaging in Being Side development means activating neural pathways we’re not used to using. That can feel cognitively and emotionally risky. There’s longing for change—but also a strong gravitational pull toward the familiar.
3. Transformation Involves Grief and Agency
When we move from “You” to “You 2.0,” we don’t just gain something—we lose something. Some part of our old self must be let go. And letting go, even of something dysfunctional or outdated, often involves grief.
But on the other side of that grief is agency. By shedding what no longer serves us, we increase our capacity to choose and create from a more authentic place. That’s the tradeoff. And it’s worth it.
4. Every “Yes” Requires a “No”
Saying “yes” to Being Side development isn’t just about embracing the new—it’s also about making space for it. And that means asking:
What do I need to say “no” to?
What habits, beliefs, roles, or relationships are incompatible with where I want to go?
This is often where courage comes in. Not just the courage to start—but the courage to let go.
5. Questions That Build Courage
If someone is struggling to find the courage to engage in Being Side development, Michael offered two powerful questions:
- If you do it, what are the prizes and punishments?
- If you don’t do it, what are the prizes and punishments?
These questions surface the hidden calculus people are constantly making—often unconsciously—about risk, reward, and identity. They don’t give you the answer, but they force clarity.
Final Thought
Michael’s workshop was a reminder that transformational change doesn’t just require new tools—it requires new terrain. And as leaders, coaches, and developers of others, we can help people move from “You+” to “You 2.0” not by giving them more to do, but by helping them rethink who they are being.
Being Side development might seem hard—but once people learn how to access it, it becomes not just possible, but compelling.
And more often than not, it’s exactly the kind of change they’ve been longing for.
This is exactly why I wrote my new book, Becoming Better: The Groundbreaking Science of Personal Transformation. I wrote it to help people effectively navigate Being Side development for personal transformation.
The official launch date isn’t until June 25th, but it is already available. Pick up your copy now.
