When early readers of my new book, Becoming Better: The Groundbreaking Science of Personal Transformation, have informed me that they have finished reading it, I always ask the same question: “What stood out or resonated with you?”
While the responses vary, I’ve been surprised by how many people mention the content on ADHD. I think it is great, it is just not something I expected. But, maybe I should have.
Most adults with ADHD don’t know they have it. According to researcher Len Adler, as many as 75% of adults with ADHD are undiagnosed. That means millions of people are unknowingly operating with internal systems that are neurologically wired to hold them back from becoming who they want to be. If our goal is to become better and a more positive influence within our spheres of influence, we have to bring this wiring into the light.
The Invisible Handbrake on Your Growth
ADHD isn’t just about hyperactivity. In adults, it often shows up in far more subtle—and self-limiting—ways. ADHD is fundamentally a condition of executive function. It weakens the neural networks that allow us to manage attention, inhibit impulses, regulate emotions, and follow through on goals.
Thus, when people with ADHD struggle, it usually isn’t because of a lack in their Doing Side (i.e., knowledge, skills, and abilities), it is because of neurological functioning connected to their Being Side.
Your Being Side is your internal operating system: how you make meaning of the world, regulate your emotions, and interact with your deeper motives. It’s what determines whether you’re wired to operate in a manner that is more conducive for value creation versus self-protection.
ADHD, when undiagnosed and unsupported, narrows your window of tolerance. It makes your internal system more reactive, impulsive, distracted, emotionally volatile, and short-term oriented. These aren’t just behavioral tendencies. They’re neurological constraints. And they keep many people trapped at a lower altitude of their Being Side.
The Seven Executive Function Issues
To understand how ADHD interferes with personal growth and leadership, consider the seven executive function issues that often come with it (and, try to self-assess if you struggle with any of these things):
- Diminished Self-Awareness – You’re less able to observe your own thinking, speaking, and actions. You default to autopilot, especially under stress.
- Diminished Inhibition – You struggle to pause between stimulus and response. You react rather than reflect.
- Diminished Working Memory – You lose connection with past lessons (hindsight) and future goals (foresight), making you more likely to live in the moment without direction.
- Diminished Time Management – You’re blind to time. Deadlines sneak up. You underprepare and miss important cues.
- Diminished Emotional Self-Control – You’re more reactive and less able to regulate your inner world, often escalating minor stressors.
- Diminished Self-Motivation – You find it hard to stay focused on tasks that feel boring—even if they’re important—often getting pulled toward whatever feels more interesting or immediately rewarding
- Diminished Self-Organization – Planning, sequencing, and problem-solving become overwhelming, making you feel stuck or scattered.
These challenges aren’t about willpower or laziness. As ADHD expert Russell Barkley puts it: “For those with ADHD, it’s not a matter of ‘won’t’—it’s a matter of ‘can’t.’”
My Wife’s Awakening
My wife, Jena, is one of the many people who didn’t know she had ADHD. For years, she struggled with things that seemed like personality quirks or character flaws: difficulty focusing on details, losing track of time, frustration with planning, and interrupting during conversations.
When she was diagnosed with ADHD-Combined in her mid-30s, everything started to make sense. “After being diagnosed and learning more about it,” she told me, “I felt like I suddenly understood myself. The light bulb went off. All the clichés applied. Pieces of my life and personality started to fall into place.”
But diagnosis wasn’t the end—it was the beginning of transformation. Jena began neurofeedback therapy to address the neurological deficiencies tied to ADHD. Over time, the changes were noticeable and profound.
“I feel calmer,” she said. “I don’t feel like I have live wires going off inside me anymore. I’m more emotionally regulated, more proactive, and more mature. It’s not that my ADHD disappeared—I still see it show up—but now I can work with it, not against it.”
What This Means for Personal Growth
Here’s why this matters: if you’re unknowingly living with ADHD, your ability to grow, connect, lead, and live with intention is being compromised at the operating system level. You might be doing everything right externally—reading the books, setting goals, building habits—but still feel stuck.
If that sounds familiar, it may be time to ask a deeper question: Is my internal wiring holding me back?
This doesn’t mean you’re broken. It means there’s a very real, and often invisible, limitation that can be identified—and supported.
A Call to Reflect
Here are a few questions to help you consider whether ADHD may be playing a role in your life:
- Do I consistently struggle with focus, follow-through, or planning despite my best intentions?
- Do I feel more reactive than reflective in stressful situations?
- Do I often feel like I’m underachieving relative to my potential?
- Do I have a hard time connecting my present actions with long-term goals?
If you resonate with several of these, you may want to explore the possibility of ADHD and seek out professional support.
Why I Wrote Becoming Better
Becoming Better isn’t just about upgrading your skills. It’s about upgrading your internal operating system—so you can become a more self-aware, emotionally intelligent, and value-creating version of yourself. That journey often begins with the courage to confront hidden limitations, whether they come from trauma, culture, or neurofunctionality like ADHD.
For my wife, getting diagnosed was the turning point that made all other change possible. She didn’t just become more focused—she became more free. More at peace. More herself.
If you’ve ever sensed that something beneath the surface is holding you back, I invite you to read Becoming Better. It may help you uncover what you couldn’t yet name—and point you toward your next step forward.
“Learning I had ADHD made me feel like I was more in control… It’s still a learning curve, but I love the progress I’m making.” – My wife, Jena Gottfredson
