As I think about the upcoming holiday season, I’ve been reflecting not just on the gifts I want to give, but on what really makes a gift meaningful.
Of course, I’ll be buying a few things for my wife and kids. But I keep coming back to this idea: What if the most valuable gift I can give them this year isn’t something I wrap up in a box? What if the best gift I can offer is a better version of me?
My Experience Giving the Gift of a Better Me (One Example)
A few years ago, I was introduced to the concept of attachment styles. I initially thought, “I’m sure I have a secure attachment style.” But as I learned more, it became clear I didn’t. What I actually had was an avoidant attachment style—a realization that hit hard.
That meant my body’s natural programming was set up to keep people at a distance. Not intentionally. I wasn’t doing anything overtly harmful. But in hindsight, I could see how my default behaviors were quietly putting walls between me and the people I loved most. Little daily “paper cuts” that added up over time.
This was especially true in my relationships with my wife and kids. I wasn’t fully present. I wasn’t as affectionate or emotionally available as I could be. And it wasn’t because I didn’t care—it was because I had wounds I hadn’t yet healed, and those wounds shaped how I showed up.
Since then, I’ve done a lot of inner work—addressing those wounds, growing in self-awareness, and building a more secure attachment style. And as I’ve healed, I’ve noticed a difference not just in how I feel, but in how I relate.
I’m more present. More loving. More affectionate. More empathetic.
Am I perfect? Not even close. But I can say with confidence that my kids value a better dad far more than they would value a new Nintendo Switch.
Can You Give the Gift of a Better You?
And I’ve seen this same truth play out in the lives of the leaders I coach. When I follow up with them after they’ve gone through my Becoming Better Coaching Program, their first comments aren’t about promotions or performance metrics. Almost every time, they talk about how their inner growth changed how they show up for their families.
One man told me that as he shifted from a closed to an open mindset, his wife told him he seemed like a completely different—and more elevated—version of himself.
That’s the ripple effect of vertical development. When we grow on the inside, the people around us experience the benefit. Our relationships get deeper. Our connections grow stronger. We become safer, more supportive, and more life-giving to the people who matter most.
This holiday season, I want to challenge you to ask yourself a different kind of question—not “What should I buy for the people I love?” but “Who do I want to become for the people I love?”
That kind of growth is the most meaningful gift you can give.
And if you’re ready to start becoming that better version of yourself—for your spouse, your kids, your friends, and your team—I’d love to invite you to explore my Becoming Better Coaching Program. It’s a structured process to help you elevate yourself and how you show up for others.
Reflection Prompt:
Before you dive into wrapping presents this year, take five quiet minutes and ask:
What version of me do my loved ones most need right now?
What would it take for me to move toward that version?
Because in the end, your presence is more powerful than any present. And your growth—your becoming—is the gift that keeps on giving.
