Window of Tolerance

In my leadership development programs, I commonly talk about a concept called “window of tolerance.”

At first, I assumed that everyone was familiar with window of tolerance. But, I started asking my workshop participants if they have ever heard the concept. To my surprise, I am finding that among most audiences, only about 30% of people have heard of “window of tolerance.”

In my opinion, understanding what window of tolerance is essential for developing the level of self-awareness that effective leadership requires.

What is Window of Tolerance?

The “window of tolerance” is a concept commonly used in the field of psychology and trauma therapy.

It suggests that individuals have an optimal state of emotional and psychological arousal. When we are in this optimal state, we can effectively cope with stress, process emotions, and engage effectively in daily life activities. This optimal state is their “window of tolerance.”

But, it also suggests that individuals can be pushed out of their optimal state of emotional and psychological arousal. When this happens, we struggle to cope with stress, process emotions, and engage effectively in daily life activities.

We should all be intimately familiar with operating within and outside of our window of tolerance.

We have surely been in a situation where a problem or issue comes up, and we absorb it and work through it in a really effective way.

But, we have also surely been in a situation where that same problem or issue pops up, and it is either crippling or causes us to lose control of our emotions and sound processing.

For example, there are times when my children have spilt their cereal all over the floor, and it doesn’t rattle me. But, there have also been times when my children have spilt their cereal all over the floor, and I lost my cool, got upset, and failed to work through the problem in an effective way.

Can you relate?

Going Outside Our Window of Tolerance

Psychiatrists and neuroscientists agree that when people go outside their window of tolerance, they generally do so in two different ways, called hypoarousal and hyperarousal.

When people go into hypoarousal, they go into a state of emotional numbness, shut down, and dissociate. They push away their emotions, withdraw, and shut down.

When people go into hyperarousal, they go into a state of emotional hyperactivity. They feel strong feelings like anger, fear, or anxiety. And, they often react in an action-oriented way to release their emotional hyperactivity.

For example, there may be times where we get into an argument with our spouse or our manager reprimands us, and we go into hypoarousal. We freeze, shut down, and withdraw.

There may also be times when we are driving on the freeway when we get cut off, and we go into hyperarousal, and we honk our horn, yell, and flip them the bird.

But, when we are able to stay in our window of tolerance, we do a more effective job of navigating these challenging situations. Perhaps, we slow down to better listen to our spouse or manager. Or, perhaps we take a deep breath after getting cut off and decide to create more space in front of us while driving. In both situations, we stay in emotional control.

Why is it Critical for Leaders to Understand “Window of Tolerance?”

Here are some of the reasons why it is critical for leaders to understand “window of tolerance” and be in touch with their window of tolerance:

• When we get pushed outside of our window of tolerance, our ability to make sound effective decisions or engage in sound and effective behaviors is dramatically diminished.
• When we get pushed outside of our window of tolerance, we are in a negative emotional state that generally rubs off on the people we lead or the atmosphere that we lead in.
• When we understand our window of tolerance, we can be more self-aware of our current emotional state. And, we become more intentional about getting into an improved emotional state.

Widening Our Window of Tolerance

The reality is that everyone has a window of tolerance of different widths. The more narrow our window of tolerance, the more easily we become triggered and sent outside of our window of tolerance. The wider our window of tolerance, the more stable and resilient we become.

The reality is that in order to be an effective leader, parent, spouse, friend, teacher, etc., the wider our window of tolerance the better.

Thus, we should all be actively seeking to widen our window of tolerance.

Here are some approaches that have proven beneficial for widening our window of tolerance:

• Meditation
• Therapy (e.g., cognitive-behavioral therapy, EMDR, somatic)
• Mindset development work
• Grounding techniques (look into this book: Positive Intelligence)
• Prioritizing your health (eating well, exercising, adequate sleep)
• Self-compassion
• Developing emotion regulation skills (e.g., labeling emotions, positive coping strategies)

If you would like to learn more about this topic, I recommend Mindsight: The New Science of Personal Transformation by Daniel Siegel. He is the one that coined the term “window of tolerance.”

If you would like to help your leaders become aware of and widen their windows of tolerance, let’s connect.