Mental toughness is what allows us to stay focused, grounded, and effective when circumstances become difficult, unpredictable, or high-stakes. In today’s fast-paced, pressure-filled world, mental toughness is not just valuable—it’s essential for meaningful leadership and personal growth.
You are probably reading this because you know of the importance of mental toughness. But, I am curious: Do you know the answer to these questions:
- How mentally tough are you?
- Do you know what mental toughness actually is?
- And more importantly—do you know how to grow it?
To answer these questions, we need to understand where mental toughness comes from. Or, in other words, we need to understand what explains the difference between someone who is mentally tough from someone who is not.
Let’s dive into what mental toughness is, where it comes from, and how we can elevate in our mental toughness.
The True Nature of Mental Toughness
Mental toughness is our body’s internal capacity to stay grounded, focused, and purpose-driven in the face of stress, pressure to perform, uncertainty, or complexity.
Most people think about mental toughness as a skill, or the ability to do something.
But, mental toughness is not a skill. It is actually a capacity. Capacities are internal abilities that we have that shape our ability to use our skills.
For example, one can develop the skill to hit a baseball. But, mental toughness is the capacity to hit a baseball when under pressure.
You see, most experienced baseball players can hit a baseball well when not under pressure. But, few baseball players can hit a baseball well when under pressure.
Similarly, many leaders possess the skills to be emotionally intelligent, patient, or empathic, but few leaders possess the capacity to utilize these skills in performance contexts, when the pressure to perform is high.
Adding to this Perspective
Another way to think about this is to understand that there are two different sides of ourselves.
There is our Doing Side, which represents our talent, knowledge, skills, and abilities.
And, there is our Being Side, which represents the quality of our capacities to operate at a high and regulated level despite the stress, pressure, uncertainty, or complexity we may be experiencing.
It is important to recognize that mental toughness is not a Doing Side skill, but is actually deeply connected to the quality and functioning of our body’s internal operating system. This means that it is intimately connected to our nervous system.
You get this, right!?! Mental toughness is ultimately about our body’s ability to stay calm, cool, collected, and regulated amidst pressure.
This is profound because:
- If we think it is a Doing Side skill, we will likely employ horizontal development approaches that ultimately are not very successful helping us develop mental toughness.
- If we think it is a Being Side capacity, we will better employ vertical development approaches that are more effective at helping us develop mental toughness.
Why Vertical Development Matters
If you want to become mentally tougher—not just grittier, but wiser under pressure—you don’t need another productivity hack. You need to grow vertically.
Vertical development is the process of expanding our internal capacity to navigate complexity, stress, and ambiguity. It’s what allows us to shift from reacting to responding, from surviving to creating, from controlling to trusting.
When we vertically develop, we:
- Widen our perspective
- Strengthen our emotional regulation
- Loosen our attachment to ego
- Deepen our purpose and clarity
- Improve our ability to hold paradox and ambiguity
These are the foundations of true mental toughness—not because they make us harder, but because they make us more whole.
How to Grow Mental Toughness the Right Way
So how do we actually grow mental toughness through Being Side development?
Here are four practical shifts to pursue:
1. Expand Self-Awareness Under Stress
Start by noticing how you currently respond to challenge. Do you get defensive? Do you catastrophize? Do you numb out or withdraw?
Mental toughness begins by observing your internal responses without judgment. Ask:
- What’s happening in my body right now?
- What story am I telling myself?
- What am I protecting?
The more you can notice your patterns, tendencies, and fears, the more choice you create in how to respond.
Here is a great video related to this: How To Increase Confidence On The Diamond in Under 1 Hour – The Bulletproof Hitter.
2. Build Recovery and Regulation Capacity
Mental toughness doesn’t mean suppressing emotion or pushing through exhaustion. It means developing the ability to self-regulate—to move from stress to center, from reactivity to presence.
This might involve:
- Mindful breathing or grounding practices
- Movement or exercise
- Intentional recovery rituals after high-stress moments
- Practicing internal “self-talk” that’s constructive, not critical
The stronger your nervous system regulation, the more resilient your leadership becomes.
3. Anchor in Values and Purpose
When things get hard, your ego wants to protect you. Your fear wants to shrink you. But your values and purpose can elevate you.
Mental toughness is sustained not by willpower, but by clarity of why.
When you’re clear on what you stand for and who you’re becoming, you’re far more likely to stay in value-creation mode—even when things get uncomfortable.
Try asking:
- What value do I want to embody in this moment?
- Who am I becoming by how I choose to respond?
- What outcome matters most here—not just short-term, but long-term?
4. Surround Yourself with Growth-Centered People
Vertical development doesn’t happen in isolation. We grow our Being Side best in safe, challenging, feedback-rich environments.
Find people—colleagues, coaches, mentors—who are also committed to showing up with intention and elevating how they operate. Let them challenge your assumptions. Let them reflect your blind spots. Let them remind you who you’re capable of being.
Mental toughness grows in community.
Final Thought: Toughness Isn’t a Trait—It’s a Trajectory
You’re not born mentally tough. And you don’t get there by just practicing in high-pressure situations. There are a lot of people who repeatedly operate in high-pressure situations, but do not get significantly better at handling those situations.
You become mentally tough as you become more vertically developed along your Being Side. This includes becoming more self-aware, more aligned, and more grounded in your values. You become mentally tough as you become more human—and less reactive, less ego-driven, and less easily thrown off course.
That’s the heart of the work.
So if you want to become more resilient, more steady, more capable of staying in value-creation mode when others unravel—don’t just learn new tactics.
Elevate who you are being. Or maybe stated a better way: Elevate your “being.”
Because that’s where true mental toughness begins.
If you want to explore vertical development to elevate your mental toughness or of those in your organization, let’s connect.
In the meantime, you can also take my FREE Personal Mindset Assessment that helps people identify the self-protective mindsets that may be inhibiting their mental toughness.
